This Monday morning feels like the start of something simultaneously uncomfortable and necessary. Most of the ‘discomfort’ we have experienced here in Mexico has been of the intestinal variety, which seems to be a de rigeur rite of passage for every long term visitor. After five weeks in San Miguel, a different kind of discomfort is here.
The inner voices have arrived. They tell me I am a socially inept, tongue-tied nit-wit, and who’d want to get to know me down here anyways? The voices get their knickers in a twist that I am not duplicating the activities that defined me these past many years: Why am I not meeting other yoga teachers? Setting up a studio space? Advertising for students? They want to know WHEN am I EVER going to ACCOMPLISH something?
It was good to walk my boy to school this morning, along with hubby. The two guys have been playing this game called ‘Terraria’; it’s an online, 2-D realm-exploring game where you dig and find treasure and watch out for the bad things. It’s more complex than that, and I am next in line for the ‘Terraria Tutorial’, now that the dad is up to speed. This morning the guys were talking about the ‘Hell Realm’. It’s where the good stuff is, and you have to pass through many other ‘levels’, gathering supplies along the way, in order to be safe in that deepest realm.
I don’t need a computer game to tell me I’m on my way down into the Hell Realm, but oh lordy, it would be so much easier to right click the mouse and be done with it all, emerging alive, inspired and victorious (until of course life comes up with version 5.0), with a finished manuscript in my hands.
This time in sabbatical has already showed me great swaths of internal stillness. I have settled in and gathered some basic tools for the journey: writing spots for the warm days and the cool days, and a good cappuccino. Now, the excavation starts in earnest. My ‘plan’ is to walk a lot, and sit still a lot, and probably have hubby hand me steaming cups of coffee. A lot. Because this particular journey to the deeper realms has been waiting in the wings for awhile.
Like I started with in a past post, if I had to tell the truth right now, it would be that I both dread and welcome this process. I have in mind to write about how I have come to experience the union of yoga and ‘modern life’. I might go and get my hands dirty and throw pots, or draw, or paint. I might take my muse dancing, and do some ‘Authentic Movement’ up at the botanical garden, in the ceremonial circle. The creative, non-verbal side trips might be another way to tap into what lies below the surface- of this enigmatic countryside, and of me.
Chances are good I will also take that tutorial my son has offered. I may need those days where I can vaporize the bad guys with one little click, then be regaled by music announcing the demise of yet another obstacle!